Mini-story: The care and handling of dragons

As part of the DDD East Midlands speakers workshop we were asked to write a 3 minute talk on any subject of our choosing and we had to deliver it without slides. We had 30 minutes to prepare and so I chose to talk about Mr Edwin Hubble, my crested gecko!

The care and handling of dragons

Picture a tropical forest. Humid, warm, leaves rusting in an ever so slight breeze, insects chirping and flowers of all colours of the rainbow surrounding you. However, lurking in the shadows lies a mighty beast. You spot movement and see him coming towards you. The dragon that rules these lands.

This dragon prefers a warm and humid habitat, with adequate hiding spots, lots of plants and leaves, and some insect friends. It's debatable whether these insects are friends or food. Mr Hubble cannot tell the difference. We share some similarities in that we both like hiding away from everything in the shadows, but will venture out if someone approaches with food. Though I'll leave the warm and humid atmosphere for him, that's not to my tastes.

His feeding expectations are treats all day every day. Being hand-fed with freshly plucked grapes off the vine as an ancient ruler would have been.

Feeding reality is a fruit-paste mixture for 90% of his food that looks like baby food and tastes even worse. Yes, I've tried it.

As of late he gets excited at movement. Movement means humans. Humans mean food. Food means (potential) locust treats. We feed his occasional locusts organic fruit and vegetables so that they're well fed for him to eat. Yes, the food of the food of our pet is organic. We are millennial as fuck.

Similarly aged geckos are weighing in at around 20 grams, he is a mighty 6 grams. He is smol. But he is fierce.

The handling dream with this dragon involves visions of frolicking in the leaves, playing fetch and belly rubs.

Handling reality is very different for he is tiny and I am huge. He is terrified of me hurting him, I am terrified of me hurting him. But when he does finally decide that he'll allow me to handle him, it may only be momentarily as he is a J U M P Y B O Y and decides that leaping off my arm and into the unknown void in front of him is more appealing than spending another second in my company.

Next time I'm getting a puppy.

(Of course, I kid. Mr Hubble is perfect and I love him) 💖🦎